Motivation List

I spent 5 years not doing anything about my weight. I had an excuse for 5 years. I "couldn't figure it out" for 5 years. I was always conscious of what I ate and how "healthy" it was. I always knew when I was "cheating" and when I was "making a good choice." All of the sudden, in one moment I just got laser focus and I knew I couldn't live like this. My identity was changing. The weight gain was gradually changing from a temporary problem to WHO I WAS. The big moment for me when I couldn't take it anymore was when I didn't eat ANYTHING fun at Christmas and I still was 175. I was terrified to see 180. All of these small "good choices" weren't mattering. I knew I needed more than just a week or two of good discipline. And, if I'm going to get back to my wedding weight of 153, why not shoot for the stars and aim for the size and weight I've always wanted to be?! I wanted 140. If I'm going to lose 22 pounds, I might as well lose 35. It just clicked. I was determined. This is the moment that motivated me.

Last night I was reading Slim for Life by Jillian Michaels. She suggests that you make a list of what getting healthy really means to you. Concrete meaning. Numbers, scenarios, etc. I thought about it and I knew that I wanted to make that list. I never did make the list back in January. I was just wanting to get back down to "wedding weight"--my benchmark for normalcy. As you read, I clearly wanted to reach beyond that and hit 140. WHY???!?! Why didn't I just want to hit 153? The reason is because even at 153 I was insecure and wanted to look better. I still had limitations in my life. I have hovered in the 150s since I was 14. I have never known what it is like to be less than that (except for a brief period of time in college). So, I made a list of all of the concrete scenarios that motivated me (subconsciously) to shoot for 140.

I have several friends who I know are wanting to hit their magic number or magic size. Some are 10 pounds away. Some are one size away. Some are 30-50 pounds away (like I was).  I can tell that they are still battling internally with the idea  of all that they will have to sacrifice and rearrange in their life to make this weight loss happen. You have one life to live. Six months from now, you will wish you had started six months ago. That is why you make this list. When it hits you, you will do ANYTHING to make this weight loss happen. And when you do, you will reference this list when things get hard. Because the things on this list should be enough to motivate you to change. If it's not, then your body will not change. And for some people that is okay. If you would rather be your weight, size, and fitness level for life--great. No judgement here. I just know a lot of women who are constantly wanting to look better and be better than they are. And this is a good strategy I know to get them started. Let me know if you make a list!!!

This is in no particular order..

1. Not be constantly jealous of friends (This is a compliment. My friends look good!)
2. Be able to look good in shorts (No need for Bermuda-length inseams.)
3. Put a number in the 130s/140s on my DL...and it be true (I just renewed my license in July 2012. I listed 160 when I was actually 170. I guess that will be my number until 2016. I really hope in 2016 that I am still in the 140s!)
4. Look in the mirror during fitness classes and be as fit as any other girl (Yes, I'm comparing myself to others. Don't act like you don't. I really like the idea of being in a fitness class and looking like the girl who uses this workout as her regimen...not as an excuse to go home and have more lasagna.)
5. Not have to wear shape wear (I have so many pictures of me in a dress and I am wearing a girdle underneath. I love that now I can throw on a dress and I don't need anything smoothed out! FREEDOM!)
6. Not have to wear tank tops under blouses/shirts (I'm a teacher. 120 children stare at me every day. I used have an issue with my belly button being a visible dimple under tops and my muffin top being visible. I would wear a tight tank top underneath my clothes to smooth that out on a daily basis.)
7. Run faster (I have never been a naturally fast person. I used to run an 11min 30sec pace for long distances. This spring I'm clocking 10min miles for 2-3 mile runs. I love being able to keep up with my friends!)
8. Look like an athlete (I am proud of being a former college athlete. Most people know that I was. I want to be the former college athlete that still looks fit...not the athlete who lost it.)
9. Be able to walk to/from my parents' pool without a cover up. (The house is out in the country. The pool is about 30 yards from the house. I want to be able to throw a suit on and waltz out to the pool without anyone wanting to vom or without my husband looking at the dimples on my thighs.)
10. Feel comfortable tanning topless (Again, the pool is out in the country. I like the idea of no tan lines. I know I'm not alone here....)
11. Feel comfortable using my parents' hot tub (I have had access to this since Spring 2012 and haven't gotten in once. This is because I don't want my husband and parents to see how chubby I've gotten. It's an identity thing. I want to be seen as a fit person. If I get in a swimsuit, there is not hiding that I'm not fit anymore.)
12. Be able to be physical at the drop of a hat (When I'm asked to haul a tire or lift something, I want to be able to do it without immediately regretting how out of shape I am.)
13. Eat at social events/ holidays and not have to stress about my weight getting more & more out of control (I love the idea of walking into a party or event already slim. This way, I can have the cake or pie without worrying that this will tip the scale over the edge.)
14. To have 7th graders look up to me (I know that they look up to me for my personality, expertise, and wit, however it would be nice for them to admire me for fitness reasons also. It's important for the adults in these kids' lives to lead by example. I want to lead a fitness example for them.)
15. Alex be proud to say I'm hers (Alex is going to be a 7th grader next year. I don't want to be her fat stepmom. I want to be her fit stepmom.)
16. Share clothes with Alex in HS (Seriously, if I'm a Size 4 and Small shirt size in 2 years, we could probably share 70% of our clothes. That would save so much money and would make me feel incredibly good.)
17. Be able to fit Size 4 (I never thought a Size 4 was within my reach. I had reached a Size 8 before and thought that was looking good. But a FOUR?! How fantastic. I want to have that number for a long time!)
18. Bikini!!!!!! (I would love to be able to throw on a swimsuit and not feel incredibly self conscious.)
19. Proud husband (Colby admits it: Every guy wants a hot wife. Ladies, I would think we are all aware of this. Why not make this happen so that we can see how proud he is every time he sees us in the outfit of the day or introduces us to a new friend??? It's a fact that boys want their woman to be sexy.)
20. Run shirtless (This might offend some people, but I don't care. I want to run in a sports bra when I feel like it.)
21. Wear fashion (There is so much fashion that I want to try out, but have been limited by my size.)
22. Borrow clothes (I love the idea of borrowing clothes from friends without having to ask for a size 10 or 12.)
23. Walk around naked (It got to a point where I would ask for privacy from hubby while I changed clothes. How ridiculous. No more.)
24. Not fear pregnancy (I've been trying to get pregnant for 5 years with no success. Even with how much I want a child, in the back of my mind I always feared to what state that would take my body to. I don't want to find out I'm pregnant when I'm already a Size 12. That's a recipe for disaster.)
25. Feel comfortable when umpiring (I'm a softball umpire. I have to wear dress pants and a jersey shirt in addition to gear underneath. Last summer I was miserably hot. I was stuffed into my uniform and I was simply suffering. Now, I'm so fit that I bought smaller pants AND I wear running shorts underneath my clothes. I'm so much more comfortable now.)
26. Dance and feel sexy (Last spring I went dancing with some friends and I did not feel sexy. I felt like the chubby girl busting a move.)
27. Not fear pictures (I have shied away from pictures for the past few years. I have basically not been documented since I was 24 unless unaviodable. I avoid pictures and as a result, I'm missing photographic memories. Now, I'm trying to get a picture of everything I do!)
28. Boudoir (I'm going to put it all out there. Before I leave the youth of my 20s, I want to have boudoir pictures taken for my husband. I try to think of sexy, romantic things to do for him and this is the ultimate. The photo session has yet to happen. I'm thinking of doing this for a 5-year anniversary present. I hope Colby doesn't read this post! #surpriseruined)
29. Beach vacations (I love to travel. I have always avoided a beach destination because I don't want to be scantily clad. Now, I'm seeking places where I can lay out!)
30. Confidence (I want to get dressed every day and feel great. If you are struggling with your weight, you know how significant this is.)
31. Less layers (As I've mentioned above, being fit means less layers in general. No shape wear. No tank top. Also, no needed cardigan or jacket to hide in.)
32. Clearer skin {!} (This has been an unexpected bonus. I have the worst complexion ever. By eating clean, my skin has really cleared up. I used to spend money on ProActiv. Not needed now!)
33. Guide Alex to healthy life (Alex is a stick, but as she ages, I'm sure she will pursue working out and dieting like we all do. I want to be her ambassador of health. Her role model. The one she comes to for questions, advice, and/or a workout partner.)
34. Sexy in fall/winter clothes (Usually when I get dressed in the winter, I am grateful for the chance to snuggle into a hoodie and put on some layers. However, I always feel bigger that usual with my big thighs, my big ass, my big arms, my spare tire, etc. PLUS the layers. Now, I look forward to wearing my Size 4s and my little sweater with a really cute jacket that's not a large.)
35. Christa (Last but not least motivating is my sister, Christa. We will always have a natural comparison. She is my barometer in life. Am I keeping up with her? Does she have something that I wish I had for myself? I'm sure she does the same with me. We have both bounced around with our weight, but when she declared that she was going into bikini fitness modeling, I was like "Fuck that, if you are going to be sexy, I'd better step up my game! I WILL NOT BE THE FAT SISTER!!!!"  Love you, girl!)

This is MY motivation list. What is on yours???